Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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