I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
thus making me awesome and them whores
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Life is so much better after having sex.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
