dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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