remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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