if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
