I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
