my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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