Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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