I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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