The maid of honor just puked.
Please, let me fuck your mom
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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