You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
this just has baby written all over it
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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