I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
