what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize