So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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