never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
