Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
pop tarts are not kleenex
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize