Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize