I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
