shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
