I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize