Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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