I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
