im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
