Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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