Please, let me fuck your mom
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
