Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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