He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
