My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
