how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize