It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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