Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
