Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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