Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
two words: eviction party
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
