yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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