i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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