he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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