She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
