Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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