nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
