I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
im holly from the hills drunk
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
