So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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