The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
