He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
