Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
