If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Are we still banned from the library?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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