Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize