I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
