Where did you get a picture of my penis
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
