I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
