just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
