happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
they're like a gay fantastic four
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
