Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Randomize
