Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Randomize
