it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
