Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
