Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
