well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
