you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
