I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
