Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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