My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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