I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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