Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
