Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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