I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize