The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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