Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
