yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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