she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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