my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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