soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
