Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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