I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
