This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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