Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i may or may not be watching the land before time
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
