Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
