Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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