My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
