I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize