I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
