Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
