Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
