my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
