please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
