There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
