yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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