There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
