I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
