Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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