You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
