Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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