I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
