I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
