she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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